Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Having a weak moment

So, I just need to get this out of my system.
Anyone who bothers to read this don't read into it, I just need to get it out.

So here's the deal.
You know how there are sometimes little magazine questionnaires that ask how depressed you are? Among the questions are: How many times a week do you consider killing yourself.
Well, that question's wasted on me. The more appropriate question is: How many times a day?
Fact of the matter is, it's ever-present. And, to be perfectly blunt, it pretty much never leaves my head.

I have to admit it's gotten to the point where I've tried to figure out, logistically, how to make it happen without leaving those behind to wonder why I did it. More specifically, I've tried to figure out how to hire someone to end me so that those left behind wouldn't have to wonder about suicide. Leave it to a senseless murder and have it at that.
Bottom line: I'm a coward. God knows I've tried to off myself in the past. Many, many years ago, but not recently and, as much as I'm ready to be done, I just can't do it.

We'll leave it at that.
Fret not, whoever reads this.
I'm still here and I'll probably delete this soon enough. I just needed to get it down, to 'fess up.

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5 Comments:

Blogger Chip said...

Please check out our video blog/comic strip.

www.redsocksdiaries.com

Sincerely,

Chip

3/20/2008 12:24 PM  
Blogger Henry said...

It's the start of a new season. Want to revive the bet of last year?

3/28/2008 6:33 PM  
Blogger Jess said...

Works for me.
Best of luck.

3/30/2008 5:54 PM  
Blogger Jess said...

Oh and hey Pat, I'm apparently not allowed to read your blog anymore?
What's up with that? Howzabout an invite, yes?
Yes.
Jess.

4/03/2008 5:07 PM  
Anonymous John Smith said...

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9/29/2012 4:20 AM  

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